The freeway, the bandicoots and frying and dying. How Mr Brumby and Lester help us learn to stop worrying and love the bomb.
Once upon a time Mr Brumby and his government decided to build a big shiny new freeway to make it easier for them to get to their seaside holidays on the Mornington Peninsula.
Mr Brumby says ‘Don’t worry. We will do an Environment Effects Statement to show how the new freeway can be built without destroying the environment. We are so confident that we can do that that we don’t even need to wait until the EES is finished before announcing that the freeway will be built!.
Now, even though Mr Brumby has already said that the freeway will be built, we still get to play the EES game. So, the EES is written. People get to put in submissions. Aren’t they lucky to be able to spend their weekends doing such fun things like that!
Then comes the really fun bit of the game. This involves three lovely gentlemen getting together as a Panel. Their job is to say how well the EES has done in its quest of saying that we can build a freeway and protect the environment and reduce carbon pollution and create world peace.
The Chair of the Panel is a bloke called Lester who lives in Brunswick (Lester used to be seen as a bit of a greenie. Not any more.)
Lester and his Panel say ‘Mmmm, The EES says traffic is increasing. Congestion is a problem. Population is increasing ( but not too much) . And what do you know! There is land that has been set aside for the freeway for a long, long time – almost back to when time began. Magic Freeway Land!
Lester and his panel say ‘We agree with the EES. We have to have the freeway. No way around it. Some silly sausages think that more public transport might work instead. But look – the people who want to build the freeway say that won’t work, because people just want to drive their cars. Of course they do. Silly anyone who thinks otherwise. So, that means we have to give them a big shiny new road to drive their cars on.
But, oh dear, the Magic Freeway land includes some very important bits of habitat. The shiny new freeway cuts The Pines flora and fauna reserve in half and destroy half of it. It will go through sites of state and national flora and fauna significance. It’s quite possible that it will cause the local extinction of the southern brown bandicoot which is classified as a threatened species and is in serious decline across Victoria
‘Mmm, not good. It’s a dilemma’, say Lester and his team. It’s lucky they’ve had an EES. It’s lucky they’ve called our Panel together to think about this. What can we do.... because we need the road. It’s got to go ahead.
We can’t build the road outside the Magic Freeway land because that would mean acquiring houses. That would cost a lot and make people unhappy. Can’t do that. We’ve got to use the Magic Freeway Land. That’s why its there after all.
We can’t put the road in a tunnel through the Pines reserve because that would make the road cost twice as much ( and don’t forget chimes in Mr Brumby, those nasty feds won’t give us any money for this road!! )
‘So, there’s only one thing to do’, say Lester and his panel.
‘Let’s shift the road a teensy weensy bit, and plant lots more trees, and build some nice tunnels under the freeway for the bandicoots to use… and the bandicoots may still go extinct… but we need the road so that’s how it is. Tough titty bandicoots. But Mr Brumby and his government will keep track of your decline, you have our word on that.
Now Lester and his team roll up their sleeves. ‘Our great and glorious government have said that there will be a 60% reduction in greenhouse gas emissions by 2050. How does this new freeway relate to that target?
‘First things first’, says Lester with pride. ‘We’re standing up for the environment here. The Freeway builders are saying that the new road will reduce carbon emissions. That’s not right. We agree with the greenies here. This road will encourage more people to drive. It will increase carbon emissions.’
‘But, when it comes to thinking about the 60% reduction target, its not that simple', say Lester and his crew. 'You can’t look at any one road and say how it will or won’t contribute to this goal. It’s got to be considered at a Melbourne wide strategic basis.
So there’s only one thing my Panel can properly do, says Lester. We’ll ignore carbon emissions.
Let’s certainly not mention that any strategic consideration of transport carbon emissions has to include stopping encouraging more car travel – even Mr Brumby’s own climate change Green Paper says we need to do that.
And even more definitely not mention that to have any chance at all of meeting the 60% reduction by 2050 target, (let alone the zero carbon target that’s needed if we are to stop us all frying and dying) –then we need a lot less car travel per person, even if people are driving cars that don’t guzzle as much gas.
And absolutely definitely don’t mention that if we had a lot less car travel per person then there won’t be increasing traffic. Because that would mean we wouldn’t need the new freeway…but we’ve already agreed – we need the new freeway ( don’t worry Mr Brumby we won’t let you down!)
We need the new freeway. We need the new freeway. We need the new freeway.
So, Dear Minister – we need the new freeway. What’s being proposed looks pretty good to us. Shame about the bandicoots. And climate crisis? What crisis?
Our job is done – if we may be excused now Mr Brumby, we’ll go home to Brunswick and have a good lie down.
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